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I'm sorry to hear you've lost your love. It's not the end, but a new beginning and I will prove it to you.

Ruth Westheimer (DOB June 4, 1928) is the most famous among American sex therapists and an author who endured hardship early in life. Best known as Dr. Ruth she became a cultural icon in the 1980s ushering in the new age of freer, franker talk about sex on radio and television. She offered some sound advice for anybody who has become widowed, divorced or separated. Here is the gist of what she said on YouTube: Do not stay at home and isolate but make a big effort to mingle with men and women. Do not get into a group where members continually drag up the past and tell their sad stories. It will only influence one to mimic the behaviour. To divert your attention from your problems foster activities into which you can throw all your energy and passion. Before you know it someone will ask you for your number, and you won't be lonely.

I imagined myself responding to her on her show: Thanks so much Ruth but this has not been as easy as you say, and I've been quite discouraged. I've felt restless for a while, maybe agitated and frustrated too, but I remember how in spite of everything that was coming at me I finally began to feel comfortable in my private space. I'll add here that I didn't look at my cell phone for a whole hour, and that ended with an awareness of the present moment. The past and the future didn't matter anymore. What an inner stillness and euphoria I never felt before!

As always Ruth, it's great to hear your compliments and thanks for bolstering me to proactivity.

Well it's been a few years since I've been out with someone except for a few chats. Even with the differences research has found the various ranges of ability to cope with stressors are overlapping between the genders. What would happen if men and women got together on subjects such as stress management, frustration, affirmation, validation, caring, etc.? These are feelings to share and could they be doors to intimacy?

My body is mine, and and I control it and I suppose this may be difficult to realize at first; especially, if someone was in a relationship for a long time. Feeling a measure of self-assurance that no one will hurt me or take away my body, I can begin to love, touch, and nourish my body. Getting in touch with my body means I start to let go of my sadness, anxiety, anger, etc.

Ten reasons why sex is good for you. Yvonne F. Fulbright PhD

So you've met someone recently? You're dating, and both of you want to get closer? Be assured that having sex can still be an enjoyable experience even in later life. Contrary to the myth that seniors don't or can't have sex, age does not change a person's interest in or capacity for sexual relations. However, ways the elderly express it may change and often opportunities may decline due to loss of a partner, changes in health or living arrangements. Consider the older man in good health who plays tennis. He's got the expertise of his life experiences at his fingertips. Though he may not have the physical strength of a young man, the quality of his decision-making now compared to that in his youth propels him to focus and score better. The same applies to his love life. He can be more confident, know how to engage firmly and follow through assertively. Women pick up on all this and get satisfaction when they feel that kind of boost. And now I've got more Good News for you!

In addition to being a venue for profiteering there's a lot to be said about marriage. Other than a brief time in this existence to share experiences, we may interpret marriage as society's insurance policy for the protection of children. And truthfully I do not believe it is any more than this. Too many couples get together in haste because of their dependencies such as loneliness, for example, and far-flung expectations. To their great disappointment, they soon discover nothing was "over the rainbow" after all. Jesus didn't make much hullabaloo about marriage. He simply taught others how to love because he realized this was crucial to the community in which he lived. We only live in the present moment. Nobody ever lived in the past or the future. Love may go, but you can seize this moment. ©

When Love Goes


June 15, 2015


James Kershaw


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Jim Kershaw says

December 13, 2016,

I don't know about you but there are a lot more interesting things to look at than a cellphone.

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